Anxiety from someone who ACTUALLY has it (A poem)

Anxiety doesn’t always come
In nail-biting or gnashing teeth,
Or in the self-harm inducing, or in the
Beaten & skinned & swollen & redness
under nailbeds,
It doesn’t just come out in the
Agonizing & excruciating suffering
Of a panic attack,
Sometimes it’s in the attention
you NEED, when you don’t WANT it,
Or needing the pen to bleed,
Or staying away from who you love,
Because your pain is scalding,
It is not just in not loving yourself,
It’s loving someone else entirely,
To feel the weight of existence,
When you’re running away from your own,
It’s the things you hear at 2:30 am,
And you decide there is no
Longer a need for sleep,
It’s not just screaming into pillows,
It’s your head,
It’s always your head


Additional Note: I was clinically diagnosed with dysthymia (mild depression), anxiety disorder and bipolar tendencies in 2013. Psychologist and institution will not be disclosed.


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